It makes me cry

Look Closer, See Me Poem

What do you see, people, what do you see?
What are you thinking, when you look at me
A crabby old woman, not very wise.

Uncertain of habit, with far-away eyes,
Who dribbles her food and makes no reply.
When you say in a loud voice "I do wish you'd try!



Who seems not to notice the things that you do.

And forever is losing a stocking or shoe.
Who, unresisting or not; lets you do as you will.

With bathing and feeding, the long day to fill.
Is that what you're thinking, is that what you see?
Then open your eyes, you're not looking at me.



I'll tell you who I am as I sit here so still!
As I rise at your bidding, as I eat at your will.
I'm a small child of 10 with a father and mother,
Brothers and sisters, who loved one another.
A young girl of 16 with wings on her feet,
Dreaming that soon now a lover she'll meet.
A bride soon at 20 – my heart gives a leap,
Remembering the vows that I promised to keep.



At 25 now I have young of my own
Who need me to build a secure happy home.
A woman of 30, my young now grow fast,
Bound to each other with ties that should last.
At 40, my young sons have grown and are gone,
But my man's beside me to see I don't mourn.
At 50 once more babies play around my knee,
Again we know children, my loved one and me.



Dark days are upon me, my husband is dead,
I look at the future, I shudder with dread.
For my young are all rearing young of their own.
And I think of the years and the love that I've known.
I'm an old woman now and nature is cruel,
'Tis her jest to make old age look like a fool.
The body is crumbled, grace and vigor depart,
There is now a stone where I once had a heart.



But inside this old carcass, a young girl still dwells,
And now and again my battered heart swells.
I remember the joy, I remember the pain,
And I'm loving and living life over again.
I think of the years all too few – gone too fast,
And accept the stark fact that nothing can last.
So open your eyes, people, open and see,
Not a crabby old woman, LOOK CLOSER, SEE ME.

staying up late

After drinking a cup of tea, I am totally awake! Writing blog is definitely a good way to consume my energy. These days, coursemates are just quite sad, pressure from studying, assignments, examinations all trigger their homesickness. When I was in Portsmouth last year, things were not that worse. I guess it is due to the location of university, everything is just so separated, campus, coventry, leamington spa...they are all very far away from each other...

I like being alone these days, that is totally crazy for an extrovert like me. I repick-up my old habit- reading. I was a bookworm when I was young, I remembered how hard I forced myself myself to cram all the vocabulary. Gradually, I started to love reading. I gave up after meeting him, hanging out with friends and him all those years. Another reason must be the effort of Peter put in his literature lessons, it's just a dream comes true to have literature class! I regretted taking Communication and English as my undergraduate degree. (None of the modules is literature)

Today, I just had his literature class, talking about a new book- Middlemarch.

We had huddle in Arts Centre, realizing the lack of biblical knowledge...feeling lots of inadequacies of myself...I pray that I can always have desire for His words. Amen! :)

Did one silly thing today

First of all, should say happy new year to everyone, though it is a bit late :P
Things here seem to be more usual and mediocre to me, all I want is to focus on my study and find a job I like. The only thing I am not used to is the abundant snowfall this year, walking on the slippery melting ice just slows down my speed and I was walking like an old lady all the time way to school and back.

Meeting Vicky today just made my day full of satisfaction and closeness with God. We talked about chapters inside the book which is called "According to Plan" by Graeme Goldsworthy. It's a really good book that reminds me a lot of God's plan to everyone of us, including those who follow and even for those who don't follow. We started the third section first, the way Vicky pointed put was vital, the prophets from Old Testament became facts in New Testament. It is just amazing to see how reliable and trustworthy our greatest God is. We spent more than an hour investigating the table of the chapter in Costa, I just could not believe it. Talking something about the Scripture is really something that I really enjoy, I could feel the joy and passion deep inside my heart. I really hope that I can be more knowledgeable about Bible one day. More importantly, it is great to have Vicky around, sharing things with her just makes me comfortable and secure.

Filling with faith and determination, I had dinner and shower quickly once I was back to my room. However, I just forgot to turn off the iron after ironing my clothes. Even worse, I made a stamp of it into Max's rug...Hope this lets you know better my life up here, please enjoy the printed iron below. Overall, I am quite satisfied with what I progressed today! :)

Can you see the iron stamp? lol

I am really tired and hungry working in the middle of the night, need to sleep for a bit so that I can catch up 9am class tomorrow. Awww....